Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
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