The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
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He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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I need to calm my uterus...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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