mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize