I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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