I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize