I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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