I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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