I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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