Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize