He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
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You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
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the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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