You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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