So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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