I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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