hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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