I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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