She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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