if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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