he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
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just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
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Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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