So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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