So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
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well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
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I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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