I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
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The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
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If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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