i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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