well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
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Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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