I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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