So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
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Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
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after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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