Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
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By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
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Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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