Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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