moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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