Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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