hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
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I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
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Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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