Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
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They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
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We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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