I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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