it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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