I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
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Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
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I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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