By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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