In the future we'll all be gay
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
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Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
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You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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