why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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