I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
soo... how was my night?
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