Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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