Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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