every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
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You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
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We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
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