If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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