He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
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Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
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I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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