I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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