As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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