I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
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