so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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