i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
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and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
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Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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