im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
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I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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