oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
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happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
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If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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